It’s week 31 of this pregnancy and I have recently started wondering why this whole thing is connected to so much emotional stress and anxiety for me. In the beginning, I had expected to experience a very exciting and happy time over the next 40 weeks or so. Obviously there always was the concern I felt about starting into this pregnancy overweight, but I generally just saw a wonderful, wonderful thing happening and wanted to enjoy it. It did not, however, turn out to be as relaxed and nice as I thought.
I suppose I did not have the best starting position, as I indeed worried a lot, because I had already lost a baby and there were people around me who’ve had tremendous problems and tragedies happen with their first babies in the past. The Laddie and I were so incredibly, deliriously happy to be expecting our little fella - we just wanted things to be ok. We were certain that my doctor would be the one to reassure us, to tell us that everything was going indeed fine and that we needn’t worry overly much.
Unfortunately, right from the start I felt that he did not take any time with me and gave me the feeling there was nothing special at all about being pregnant. I am well aware that he probably sees dozens of pregnant women every day, but in my eyes that does not change the fact that every single baby is a blessing and a miracle at the same time and should - to an extent - be treated as such. None of that ever happened, though. My doctor takes about 2 to 3 minutes to ask how I feel - listening to my answer while he is busy doing something else -, to tell me that I should lie down and to do a scan. Unless I nag and nag again, he will not tell me how big our baby is, whether she is developing fine and what exactly is going on altogether. Whenever I ask a question, he gives me the feeling it’s somewhat of a nuisance to even consider answering and that he does not really have time for this, anyway. After 5 minutes, everything is done and dusted and I am always left with a lot of unanswered questions.
At first, I would blame myself for being overly anxious and worried, as I know I am sometimes. But then the Laddie sat me down and we talked about it - how on earth would I know what all these changes in my body are? How should I know which amount of pain or discomfort was normal and when I should be careful or get worried? Who can tell me if not a doctor? When I read things in my books on pregnancy, shall I just self-diagnose and assume that my womb pains, at times crippling, are just one thing or the other and then trust my own judgement, thereby potentially risking our baby’s health? My downstairs neighbour took that approach to her pregnancy and lost her baby boy through some circumstance that could potentially have been prevented (according to the docs)! In any case, I’ve had to move on, as my doctor just continues to refuse to relieve me of any of my worries. I do not expect anyone to hug me and be overly fussy with me, I just want a sensible talk about what’s what. I want to be taken seriously and I want someone to take a minute out to assure me that what I am going through is perfectly normal!
So when our little girl did not seem to kick for an entire day, no matter how much either of us tried to entice her to move, we read in a book that if you do not feel your child kick as usual, go and see your doctor. When I did exactly that, my doctor just frowned at me and told me I was panicking. No comforting words or an explanation that it’s all normal not to feel her for a while….nothing. That’s when I effectively stopped asking any questions, as I never got any kind of satisfying answer about anything. Knowing I’d be seeing a midwife soon, I was hoping she’d be someone I could talk to better and who would help me get through all this without being condescending and disinterested. Over the course of the first seven months, I had sometimes talked to female doctors (in a hospital or when my doctor was away on call somewhere) and every single one of them was a million times nicer and more understanding than the doctor I’ve been with for the past 8 years.
I’ve seen my midwife three times now - twice to look at the hospital I’ll potentially be giving birth at (once without, once with the Laddie) and once in her practice. When she did not really engage in conversation the first two times, I just assumed that was because of the situation we were in - looking at birthing rooms and all. But when I went to see her a couple of days ago in her practice, I thought I’d finally be able to ask what the chest pains are that I’ve recently developed (once breathing got so difficult I almost collapsed), whether the horrible womb pains are still normal - I can’t sit or lie without being in a great deal of pain and whether I should be doing anything in regard to my veins, as my family has a history of varicose veins and I do not have too great of a connective tissue to begin with, unfortunately. Apart from the fact that she seemed really distracted altogether, she just shrugged her shoulders and said she could not really tell me what the chest and womb pains are - she just assumes because a lot of things are changing in my body, some pain can be expected. She did not examine me or ask me where exactly the pains are and when I get them. In the end, she said I should take more Magnesium. She did not ask how much I am taking at this point (the maximum dose, btw). Also, only the pharmacist explained to me that I would have to take about 10 pills a day of a new type of Magnesium to get close to the dose I am taking right now and also that I should stop taking it about three weeks before my due date, because Magnesium actually stops contractions from happening. How very nice, I would have liked to know about that.
Anyway, contrary to what I thought, the midwife said we’ll only see each other again during the birthing class she’ll be giving. It’s a compact course of 8 hours, spread out over two days. Husbands are recommended to join in, but have to pay 110 Dollars to do so! Usually, these classes go over a time of about 6 weeks, so I have no idea how all the questions any couples might have should be incorporated into just 8 hours. Oh well.
All my friends who’ve already had babies have had better treatment and service and also closer monitoring than I do. I will be going back to my doctor on Thursday the 20th, at 31+1 weeks. From 34 weeks onwards, I might get my CTG scans (my girlfriends have gotten them when they started month six of their pregnancies). Oh yeah, I feel really great altogether. I can’t get my questions answered, have to basically read up on everything and just assume things are ok the way they are. Should I ever be so lucky to get pregnant again, I will definetely look for a different practice. 
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