Surprisingly, the studying is actually going really well so far. Knowing my luck, I probably jinxed it just by saying that. In any case, I am unusually organized and feel  good about my progress. I am hoping to settle into this new routine and accept it as my new lifestyle for the time being, as I don’t see myself actually done with uni before the end of the year. My research so far has resulted in a list of about 200 books that might be of interest for my exams, I might just try to reduce that number a tad today.

***

I can’t shake a certain feeling of guilt and even shame over the fact that the main reason I am pushing myself very hard on the study front is that I want to be free and ready to do more than think about baby number two. What does that say about me? I couldn’t even begin to explain how my priorities have shifted ever since our Munchkin came into this world. Of course, recent events also contribute to that mindset. The only thing I feel sad and frustrated about in that area is that all the cliché assumptions have turned out to be accurate. Are you a young mother and potentially have the intention to have more children yet? Well, then better deal with the fact that you might not be the most desired type of employee for any kind of company. Throw in our current economic situation and then see how likely it is for you to actually get any kind of job at this point in time. As much as that makes me want to scream about the injustice of it all, this is a truth I face daily in conversations with the German ‘Ämter’ and friends or acquaintances who are going through the same thing. The most common reaction to my lamentation is a sympathetic nod of the head and a woeful ‘me too’. My aunt recently even asked me whether I was sure I wanted to have another baby at all, with things being the way they are in the world.

***

The Munchkin produced tooth number seven yesterday! Luckily, she does not seem bothered much by the process, she just drools a lot. Perusing the teething chart that I keep for her, I noticed that she seems to work on new teeth in four week increments. Odd that this would be happening in such regular intervals, isn’t it?

***

The Munchkin seems so eager to converse – it must be frustrating for her that most of the time we don’t really understand what she is trying to tell us. She just stands in front of me, pointing and babbling, as though she wants to say ‘Damn it, woman! Are you even listening to me??’ I am dying to know whether her first intelligible sentence will be a German or an English one.

***

It’s our Munchkin’s second birthday in May and already I have sewing projects under way, more or less. Before that, though, I am trying to make a strawberry costume for her for Fasching – a festivity I despise, as it is commonly taken as an excuse to get hammered for days on end and people generally behave like idiots. Our baby only celebrates Fasching in Kita though and every child will be dressed up, so I will get over myself and make my baby into a cute piece of fruit. I am not sure how that will turn out, but if anything remotely wearable is thereby produced, I will make sure to post a picture. With the help of the lovely Audrey’s hat sewing instructions, nothing much could go wrong, surely?

***

After nice temperatures of minus 17 degrees Celsius in the last few days, more icy weather is predicted for the near future. Side streets here are not really gritted very well, so every day we’re sliding to Kita over thick patches of ice – a circumstance which at first I found amusing, but by now am mildly annoyed with.

***

No news on the job front. We are doing what we can to keep excessive frustration and feelings of despair and worthlessness at bay, but the situation is certainly none to rejoice in. I am unsure as to how to proceed, really. For now, we can only just plod along, do what we have to do and all that. Not very satisfying.

***

Off to hit the books, my daily allotment of 30 minutes online time has come to an end. Have a great start into the weekend!

This entry was posted on Friday, January 29th, 2010 at 12:42 pm and is filed under Life Pill. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.